More than a year ago when I was concocting my son’s nursery, I needed the perfect chest of drawers. As usual we had little money, so it probably took me about 9 months to find it. While perusing the annual fall arts and crafts festival in Downtown Overland Park, we came across a church rummage sale. We met the most lovely older ladies (I have a fondness and connection with the elderly) who gave us a steal of a deal on a chest of drawers that belonged to one lady’s husband. It was clean, solid and in great shape. I also loved the little detailed wood pieces at the top.
With the crazy bright color we painted my son’s room, I knew I wanted the dresser white and replace the knobs with plain wooden pulls that The Rock Star would paint.
If I remember correctly the dresser cost us $15 plus paint and knobs. It’s the perfect addition to Liam’s room and a year later I couldn’t imagine his room any other way.
I also can’t believe he is real. I know it’s cliche to say my son is the best thing to ever happen to me, but I was unequivocally unprepared for the love that would overflow from my heart. For something so tiny to have such a giant impact on my life is beyond me. I wrote the following one week after Liam was born:
One week ago I met a floppy, chubby-cheeked stranger when he was placed on my chest, crying and uncertain. Though he had been with me for the past 10 months, there was a certain disconnection and I was going to have to get to know this person all over again. I had vaguely seen his face before, those unmistakable cheeks on the sonogram, but staring into my eyes for the first time, he was more breathtaking than I ever dreamed. All my life’s dreams culminating in one moment – in one glance from those beautiful eyes. I never knew having a child would make such an impact on my heart.
One week later, I look into those same eyes and feel as if I’ve known him my entire life. Of all the things I’ve sought, everything I thought I wanted, I now know one certainty: I know I was always meant to be his mother and he was always meant to be my son. I will have no greater joy in life. All my worries and cares are lost in those eyes. Those big blue spheres melt my soul as I long for him to see right now just how much I love him. Five tiny, delicate fingers grasping tightly around one of mine comfort all the pain and fear I feel, as I wonder if it is possible to love something too much.
You cannot know a parent’s love until you are one. My soul wants to burst from my chest and my tears will not stop at the mere thought of his existence. And although I hear being a parent only gets better, so much of me wants him to stay so small, so innocent, so protected in my arms. And he will forever have me waning in those eyes, wrapped in the grasp of his slight hand.
Now he’s turned one and the contents of his dresser have changed a few times over. The time that passes as you watch your child grow and change is sometimes tedious but mostly effortless. Where does the time go?